Is it too late to back out?

Today James and I went to my appointment with the ENT. For the most part it went well. We had to wait over an hour to see the doctor because he was running behind. When we did get in we talked about our different options. Several times the doctor kept saying that he usually does not do theses two surgeries together. They are both abrasive and are difficult recoveries. He kept trying to decided if we could get away with only one of the surgeries. After rechecking my throuat and nose about five times each he decided that we had to do both and that it would be best to do them at the same time. He did say that it would be a difficult and painful recovery (that's just wnat you really want to hear). Also because he is doing them at the same time then I will have to stay in the hospital. There is concern for swelling and bleeding so when they are convinced that those things are under control then I can go home. Recovery is 2 to 4 weeks. I can't be alone for the first week and then I am on strict restriction for the second week. If all goes well then the next two weeks should go pretty well.

We are hoping that the kids will be able to go to my sisters for a few days but that is still to be determined. I'm still not sure how to take care of things for the 2-4 weeks that I will be down. I am a very independant person and I know that it will greatly challengly me to have to rely on the help.

I have also never had surgery so this is all new. I am praying that this surgery will really help. The doctor says that I should be able to breath so much better. At this point I have one good nostril to breath through and a small opening in my throat. When I go to sleep that small area in my throat basicly closes off. That only leaves the one good nostril. Either way I am just praying that the pain and expense is woth it. I really want to be healthy for the James and the kids. I really do not want to back out but I have to admit I am a little anxious. I know "be anxious for nonthing". I'm trying to put that verse to heart.


By the way I still intend to post about our trip but I want to post when I am able to add pictures.

Home Sweet Home

We made it home late Monday night. It was so good to be home. The kids were really excited to see their daddy. I was very happy to see him too. The last three days of the trip Noah said daddy, dad, and da da hundreds of times. It is all he would talk about. We drove up and when he saw his daddy he smiled from ear to ear then gave him a giant bear hug. After that he would have nothing to do with James. I even told Noah that he either had to let dad help him or go lay on his bed. He chose his bed. I think that he was trying to punish his daddy for not being around for the past week. James didn't take it personal and was real patient with him.

I'm excited to post about our trip. I'm trying to ficure out how to download the pictures we took. We borrowed a camera because my battery was dead. I do not have the equipment to download off this camera so pictures will come soon. We also came home very tired and have a sick boy. I took him to the doctor Tuesday becasue he was still running fever and had not eaten in two days. He is still not eating-won't even eat a popsycle. He's already lost almost 2 pounds. Pray for the little guy, he feels miserable.

I will post soon. Right now I have a little man that needs his mommy and I'm just to tired to put thoughts together. Noah has been up most of the night for the last three nights.

Prayer request- I have my appointment with the ENT tomorrow. It is a surgery consult. We will be trying to make decesions and I think schedule dates.

I hope everyone is having a great summer. If your thinking of heading to Texas you should know that it is stinking hot there.

San Antonio here we come!

No postings over the next week. All my attention will be focused on family.

James, the kids and I will miss you soooooooooo much! You are such an awesome dad and husband. We hope that you had a wonderful father's day. See you soon!

We love you!

Things that make you go hum?

I have to post about this before I forget.

The other day I was doing dishes and Noah came in the kitchen. I noticed that he was studying the floor really hard. I asked him what he was looking at and he said "look it's a spider". I looked at the so called spider and said "no it's a rolly polly". To that he responded "don't eat the bug"? I said "that's right don't eat the bug". He stood there a second and repeated to himself several times "Noah don't eat the bug, don't eat the bug". I have to admit I was laughing inside yet troubled by the fact that we had to have this conversation. I quickly realized that the reason we were discussing this was because he had actually considered eating the bug. This should not surprise me...I just still find it hard to believe that he had to talk himself out of the desire to eat this thing. Oh well at least he's learning that he should ask first and eat later.

The other thing that we are up against right now is that he has figured out that he has an opinion and he voices it a lot. We hear "don't help me" several times a day now.

Packing and more packing

The kids and I are trying to finish packing today. We have a busy weekend and then we are leaving early Sunday morning. We are going to load the van Sunday night so that we can just get up and go Monday morning.

I am trying to pack a weeks worth for three in two small suitcases. This is a huge challenge for me. I usually pack the whole back end of our van with seats up. James and I made it to Guatemala to pick up a baby in two carry ons and two back packs total. If I can do that I can manage this. I preparation to leave I washed all of Noah's bedding. He chews on his blankets and they always stink. I wanted to take his Thomas blanket because that is the one that papa and mimi gave him. I had already put his cars blanket in the wash along with his other blankets. The only one on his bed was his Thomas blanket. When he woke up I put that blanket in the wash too. He came down the hall and saw me putting it in the wash. He quickly crabbed the blanket and said "don't wash percy". I told him it was yucky and that we had to wash it. He was upset. He kept telling me over and over that I was not going to wash percy. I won the battle by telling him he could put it in the washing machine and that he could push all the buttons. I also told him that he could put it in the dryer when the timer goes off. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but Noah is obsessed with doing laundry. So obsessed that he drives me a little crazy with it.

I really need to go...I have so much to do today and need to be in bed early tonight. Kayla and I are going to do the route tonight so that James can have the night off. He has a 7:15 t-time in the morning and it's Father's day weekend so we wanted to give him a break.

By the way we have a big surprise for the kids but it's a big secret. I can't wait to post about it when we get home.

Not exactly what I would have planned....but still a great day.

I really did not start the day with huge expectations. I really was just looking forward to remembering a very special day that happened two years ago. Most families do not celebrate gotcha day but for us it symbolizes the day that we first held him. His birthday is still very important to us and we want it to be special to him but we do not have any memories of that day. Also for many families they had either fostered or met their child previous to their gotcha day. James and I chose not to visit because at that time adoptions were being processed through quickly and we knew that once we held him and bonded with him in the flesh that we would be of no use in our lives back here in the US. So that day is the day that I first counted his ten little toes (I had never even seen a picture of them), touched his soft baby skin, and became familiar with his smell. It was just like the day I gave birth to Kayla and realized that she was really mine and that I got to take her home with me. That day he became real to us-instead of a dream.

When we celebrated our first gotcha day last year we were in Colorado. James, Kayla, Noah and I left early that morning and drove to the Mountains. We headed up to San Isabel National Forest where James and I had spent a lot of our time growing up. I use to work at the resort and we wanted to take the kids there. I remember trying to have a restful memorable day thinking about the day we met Noah and how a year later we were in a place where it all began. (James and I met in Colorado). Instead I had a screaming one year old that was throwing tantrums and taking all my energy to contain. I could not even focus on the warm fuzzy feelings that I had experienced a year ago. By the end of the day we were exhausted and we could not wait to send him to bed. It was still early and he was throwing another tantrum so I took him to our room at James' parents hose to calm him down. At that point I had decided it was best to just put him to bed early. After I put him in his pj's he cuddled in tight and I began to rock him. He had not been rocked to sleep in a few months- he preferred it that way. So I figured it would last a few minuets and then I would put him in his playpen. To my surprise he fell asleep in my arms and I began to sob. The poor little guy was soaked in my tears by the time his daddy came to check on us. One minuet I just wanted him to go to bed and the next my heart was overflowing with memories of the first time I held him and rocked him to sleep. I held him for a very long time and I am so glad that I did. I'm not sure that I have had that opportunity more than a few times since then.

For those that know our little man they know that he is in constant motion. He can not even sit still to eat. He must always be moving. The little guy has no concept of personal space. I have the broken toe nails to prove it. I can not begin to tell you how many times a day I ask him to settle down and be still. If you don't he just continues to wind up tighter and tighter. Even at that he is still moving.

It is a new year and another gotcha day. Here's a run down. We left early this morning so that we could help a friend get her vehicle to the shop. We were actually up and ready on time. The kids were fed and all was going according to the plan. We had prepared Noah that today was a special day and we gave him his adoption bracelet to wear. James wore his to work and Kayla and I wore ours too. Noah's was too big so we put it on his ankle. It was too cute. I will post a picture of it tomorrow. We have been talking to him about gotcha day and how he lived with his grandma Alicia until mom and dad could fly to get him. He loves to see pictures of the plane. It took me a while to catch on but this whole week he has been telling us that he loves airplanes. His room is done in planes so I thought that he was finally taking an interest in them because of that. Any way he really like to talk about Guatemala and how he grew in mommy's heart. He knows that sissy grew under mommy's heart in her tummy and that he grew in my heart. Today when a friend asked him about his special day he told them that he grew in mommy's heart and that he was born in an airplane. If you ask him where he was born he will tell you in an airplane. Now we understand why he suddenly likes airplanes.

While we were waiting for the van to come out of the shop we went to the mall to do some shopping. When it was lunch time we all picked a place and ate at the food court. I was rally torn and I have to say that I wish that I had gone with my gut instinct. Noah wanted Chick-fil-a so that is what we got him. Kayla and I decided that we would eat Chinese. That is where we usually but I kept thinking that I should go to Subway or some where else. Chinese was what Kayla wanted so to make it easy that's what we ate. This time I decided to try the sweet and sour chicken. Bad idea. I gave Kayla a few pieces and then I had the rest. As I ate the chicked it just didn't seem that good. It was really hard to chew and well I will spare details but I should have known there was a problem. Because you did it in sauce I really had not taken the time to look at it. Finally something told me to look at the piece that I could hardly bite through. Yep- it was raw. Noah had eaten the rice that it was laying on and Kayla and I had eaten the raw chicken. I do not know how I could have eaten what I did. I really thought that it tasted wrong but decided it was probably just there recipe. Again I will spare the many details but I did get physically sick after I realized what just happened. The big shock came when the mgnt did not take the situation seriously. He kept saying that it was fine that they had cooked it for 8 min. I stood there and showed him the raw chicken - not bloody but raw. He refunded my money and I asked him what if my kids get sick? He still did not take it serious. Later I made a phone call to the health dept. and they too did not seem to be very worried. They asked me what I wanted them to do. I said that they needed to be aware in case people became ill. We were served the last pieces form the pan so you know that others were served. So other than the fact that it will be some time before I can even think about chicken, not sure I will be eaing sweet n sour any time soon I am just praying that the kids and I do not get sick.

The rest of the day was just filled with mom stuff. Noah pooped in his pants for the first time today. I did not realize it until it was all over me and him. He did not get a nap so dinner was a little emotional. We took him to Applebees since that is where we ate dinner the first night we met him. Our first pictures out with him were at Applebees. Dinner was also late because James had to work later than usual. After he got to the restaurant he got a call from a client and he had to go back to the office (the client left the keys to his rental car in James office). At that point we called to let the rest of the group know that we were going to be late meeting them for ice cream at DQ. To top of the day we had many boo-boos but thankfully none that required stitches.

So this year I officially feel like a broken in boy mom. I have been peed on, pooped on, stepped on, and the list goes on and on. I now know not to expect warm fuzzy feelings. Non the less they are still wonderful feelings of praise and gratitude to God for allowing me to be this little boy's mommy. And at the end of the day he still screams out " I love my mommy" and backs it up with a big kiss while stepping on my already torn up toe nails. I love being a boy mommy...but now it is time for me to go and refuel.

Goodnight:)

We Gotcha You!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Two years ago today we were pacing the floor in our hotel room in Guatemala. We still had not heard from the lawyer and the hours were passing us by. Then finally the call came and it was time to meet our baby boy. He was more handsome than we could have ever imagined. I knew who he was the second we stepped off the elevator and I saw him smile. It was all I could do not to rip him out of his foster mother's arms. My patience paid off and before long I was holding my new baby for the first time. He kept smiling at us and then began to kiss my check over and over. I was in love with this little man more than I could have ever imagined and now it was real. I will never forget that first smile or his sweet smell. I had waited 6 months to feel his warmth in my arms and to touch his soft brown skin. As I have said before that day I met an angel. He was my angel. I will never forget how precious his life is and I will never stop thanking God for choosing us to be his family.
Happy 2nd Gotcha Day ~ We Love you Noah Scott!
Mom, Dad, and Issy

Are we crazy?

One week from tomorrow Amber and I will be leaving for Texas with 5 kids in tow. That's right 5 kids. This should be interesting with an 8 month old, two year old, 5 year old, and two teenagers. James will be batching it for a week. After our trip to Thailand for 17 days he can not afford to take any more time off. I will be staying with my parents when we get there. Mimi and Papa are pretty excited. We will see if they still feel that way when Noah leaves. He is so much fun and a good little boy but he sure is active. I am excited for them to see him again. I am also excited for Kayla to have time with them too. We have several fun things planned. The two big kids get to pick a "BIG" activity and we are planning trips to the zoo, Alamo etc. The bummer part of this trip is not having James there. We are not use to doing things separately but this was the only way I could get down to see my parents this summer. I am not looking forward to such a long drive but it beats the drive we made to Colorado last summer. I am not the worlds best traveler but I think it will be worth it. I am hoping that the trip will be kinda of relaxing. Either way I am sure that we will have lots of fun stories to share.

Remembering a good friend and celebrating the new normal

Noah is trying to hold on just long enough to finish his last bite of "burger cheese"
Just barley made it!



Today we headed to see some good friends. We have been planning for a while to go to Amanda's new home that she had built for her and the kids after Erik died. We have talked about it so many times and just have not nailed down the time to go. I am really glad that we finally just set a date and that we were able to make it happen. Our families had talked about having a BBQ when E was born and Noah came home. We have learned the hard way that tomorrow is not promised to us and that you should not put things off. Erik was killed in a tragic accident the day before we returned home from Guatemala with Noah. We never got to have that BBQ. Ironically we are only a week away from the 2nd anniversary of Erik's death and Noah's gotcha day. Two years ago we drove those same winding roads with a new baby (he was 6 months old but he was new to us) weeping as a family over the loss of such a great man. Our family was finally complete as another family was torn apart. We were trying to bond with the son that we had prayed 8 years for and trying to comfort our grieving daughter. At the same time we were parallelized with grief ourselves.

Today was full of first and new normals. We went to the cemetery for the first time where Erik was laid to rest almost two years ago. His grave is so peaceful and it is just what he would have wanted. The home that Amanda had built for her and the girls is amazing and full of charm and love. One of the new normals was the new man of the house. He and Amanda were married about 6 months ago. He is kind and he loves the Lord. He has been so good for this family. We can tell that he really loves the girls and that they love him. It was a blessing to be in their home and see how God is putting together a new puzzle and filling their home with joy and laughter once again.

We had a wonderful meal and great fellowship. It was so good to see the two girls and how much they have grown. It felt as though they had never left. Kayla and C would play in the yard every day and wait for Erik and James to come home form work. Amanda and I looked forward to watching E and Noah playing in the yard one day too. Today it was like the kids had always been together. Since Amanda moved right after Erik died and E was only three weeks old we did not get to know her like we had hope. Never the less it was like we had seen her everyday. She gets that from Erik.

Today as we drove home we were reminded of that time when our hearts were parallelized with grief and that with God all things really are possible. There is hope and there is a peace that surpasses our understanding. God continues to heal this family and ours as well. The memories are easier to process and the new normal...we have learned to accept that sometimes that is what life deals you.

Let the summer fun begin!

Today JT spent the day with us and we decided to get our summer off to a good start. It seems like we have been so over loaded and all we do is tell the kids later, not now, or we just can't afford it right now. So today we threw "some" caution to the wind and headed out for a fun day. It was not a very expensive day but it was packed with a lot of much needed fun.

When JT got here this morning we just sat on the couch and talked. We had a lot of catching up to do since we had not had any one on one time together in a long time. I use to care for him full time while Kayla was still enrolled in school. JT would come early in the morning and then we would take Kayla to school. We would then spend the whole day together playing and hanging out. Some days we would just sit and snuggle all day. We even took our naps together. He was kinda spoiled. He even had his own closet at my house and he would come in his pjs then I would dress him after breakfast. I cared for him from the time he was 4 months until he was about two. Eventually I had to give up caring for him because we had made the decision to home school and his little brother had come into the world. It was too much for me to have two little boys and teach school full time. Kayla was needing constant instruction at that time. JT's life was a gift to me at one of the most difficult times in my life. His mom and I began to try to conceive at the same time and we talked of raising our little ones together. She asked me early on if I would keep her child if they got pregnant. At the time I was working for the school and planned to quit only if I got pregnant. Well long story short they conceived right away and well we still have not conceived. That was over 5 years ago. (By the way I am so grateful that the Lord didn't give into my plan). I did decide to quit my job and stay home with JT. It was the best decision I ever made and God used this little boy to fill a whole in my heart. JT has always called my aunt ange and his mom has always considered me to be like a second mother to him. I have always considered him to be like a son to me. He is such a precious little boy and will always hold a special place in my heart. Okay I know that I am already off track with this post but I have to share one more thing about JT. When the church had my baby shower for Noah I invited his mom to the shower. I really though that she would come alone because it was being held at the country club. Instead she brought JT with her. When I saw Laura come in with JT I began to weep uncontrollably. He came over and gave me a hug and I just wept and wept. I will never forget having him there to celebrate that day with me and my family. He brought me so much earthly joy and God had allowed him to be such a special part of my life. I love that God still allows us to be close and that he still smiles that devilish grin every time I see him.

Okay back to our day. We decided to call some friends and meet them for lunch. After that we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese. This was our first visit to the new one. The kids had a blast. I thought that we would never get Noah and JT off the big jeep. After Chuck E Cheese we did a few errands and came home to put Noah down for a nap. We played some more and then JT's dad came to pick him up.

Noah had a late nap and Kayla went to Planning commission with James. They are going to start having a mini date after each PC meeting. This week they went to eat Thai food. I let Noah sleep for a while and then we went to Sonic. After that we went to Walmart to buy groceries. I am not sure why but he was so excited to go to Walmart. He sang to me and talked to me the whole time. He kept asking me "mommy sad"? I would say "no mommies not sad". Then he would say "mommy happy"? So I would say "yes, mommies happy". We repeated this over and over again. If Noah does something naughty then I usually tell him that mommy is sad. He seemed to enjoy the fact that he had been making good choices that day and that mommy was happy and not sad.

We got home form the store a little after 10pm. As soon as he saw James he came in and told him all about his trip to Walmart. He just jabbered and jabbered. After we put away groceries I read him a story and I asked him if he had a good day. He said "yes". I asked him what his favorite part was (expecting hi to say Chuck E Cheese) and with a big smile he said Walmart. I guess what he needed more than any thing that day was to have him mommy all to himself and to know that she was happy. I guess he noticed the "sunny" in my heart.

"Cloudy in the sky ~ Sunny in our hearts"

This morning I had to be up early because my nephew was going to spend the day with us. I woke up pretty early and had some time to kill before JT got there so I was catching up on emails and such. While going through one of the emails I received I came across a video clip of S.C. Champman, Maria, and Shaoey. The video was done while they were on spring break. Shaoey was sick and she continues to remind her dad that she is under the weather. S.C and Maria are trying to be playful. At one point S.C. points out to his girls that even though it is cloudy out side they are going to have fun. Eventually he tells the girls that "it may be cloudy in the sky, but it is sunny in our hearts". At that moment God spoke so clearly to me.

As I continued to read through my emails and catch up on blogs I came across the following words from Beth Moore on the LPM blog. I posted them below.

"Regardless of how convinced we are, God has not placed us in control of our environments nor are we responsible for how everyone is behaving or how things will turn out. He is still God and, yes, even over "this," whatever your "this" may be. His, Beloved Siestas, is a LARGE SHIP. Something much bigger than we can picture is going on from a God's-eye view. Our trials are allowed so that Christ may be formed in us and then, through us, to serve that greater purpose. Worry always and only forms thicker flesh in us and weights us down until we cannot walk where the Spirit would take us. I've come to learn from God that worry is a waving red flag to the enemy. It is a dead giveaway that the person owning it does not trust God. The shield of faith is down. So fire when ready. Every time we're tempted to take it all on and worry something to death, let's say aloud from the depths of our souls, "I choose to trust You, Lord. I choose trust. I choose You."

So by 8am I have been soaked in words of wisdom concerning worry and encouraged by a little girl and her dad to set aside those gray skies and let the sunshine beam forth. I really needed these words today. I need to remember that I have the Hope of Christ within me and that alone is bright enough to out shine the enemy...even on the darkest days. Evey time I choose to let my circumstances weigh me down the enemy has one more opportunity to strike. One more arrow makes it's way through and one more wound is in need of care. So if I know this to be true and I believe this then why is it so difficult to stand in the midst of these storms? I'm still searching for those answers but for now I am trying to cling to these thoughts and stand remember that I can choose to trust the Lord and that I can choose to let his light shine. The last thing I want is for the enemy to feast on the flaws of my flesh.

I am going to post about the rest of our day in the next post. It seems like the two should stand alone. Please continue to pray for our family. We know that God will work all things for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose and we stand on that promise.

Weary Yet Hopeful

This has been such a long week. Some weeks seem to creep by while others fly by with out slowing down. There is not much to write about. Well there's probably a lot to write about but for the most part I think that it would be better to just say that it has been a long week and that the storms are still wearing on us.

We are trying to keep a perspective on the storms that we are facing vs storms that others are up against but the truth is things are still difficult. We need strength, we need direction, and we really need rest.

I am looking forward to a new week with renewed hope and strength and we asking that God will restore our joy. We know that it is in Him that we find our peace... not in circumstance.

I will try to post more about the kids and how they are doing soon. For now I am running on 2 hours of sleep with only a few hours ahead of me tonight so I better go.

PS- I did get the results from the CT this week. The doctor said that they found two cyst but that there was no infection. He does not want to do sinus surgery because the cyst do not pose a problem at this time. He did say that he still wants to do the Septoplasty and the Tonsillectomy. This was the original surgery that he recommended. They are doing the next round of allergy testing and then we will proceed form there. They still do not know where the chronic fever is coming from but at this time they are not concerned so neither am I.

Family Update

Wow what a busy weekend. James' parents and sister came in Wednesday to spend Memorial day with the family. So far we have all had a great visit with little chaos. This is huge when you consider the size of our home and having three extra people. I think so far the only thing that has really given them pause is Noah's undying energy. I believe that they have had a good time with the kids but will go home tired.

Thursday morning James went to work and his parents and sister took the kids to the farm to see great grandma. Then Great grandma took them all to the Safari and then out to lunch. This was great for the family because they were able to spend alone time with the kids and I was able to be completely alone with no responsibilities. Usually when I am childless it is because I am either helping someone else or I have an appointment. James keeps the kids but to have an entire day off and the house all to my self was a real treat. I was going to stay home and just veg but instead I went to lunch with a friend and then we went shopping. She was childless too that day.

Friday the grandparents went to the farm again with the kids. James sister and I went shopping and out to lunch. It was so nice to have a break especially two days in a row. I really enjoyed the break.

Friday night we all braved the drive in to see the new Narnia movie. The movie was great but Noah was at his limit of good behavior. It was some what stress full to me but still a great time for the family. James and I did the route when we got home and got to bed at 5 am. Man were we tired. Slept a few hours and then started the day.

Sunday we went to bible fellowship and then left so that we could make it to the family reunion on time. This was the first time to be there with out Granddad. I really tried not to think about it. This is a huge tradition every year and in the 15 years James and I have been married granddad has always been there. After lunch we went over to the family cemetery. Kayla and her grandma Di had gone a few days earlier to put flowers on the grave. That was the first time that she had been to the cemetery since the funeral. I think that she did well. I was worried about today because this event brings back a lot of memories. One of the best pictures we have of Kayla and Granddad was at this reunion. Again she did very well. We tried to keep her busy with water guns and Aunt Patty. I think it was good to have them there so that she can make new memories. This is the first time in 15 years that we have not sat at the cemetery in our lawn chairs and visited with granddad and grandma. I think that it is still too difficult for Grandma to be there for very long. She did not get out of her truck this year. Instead we went back to the farm to visit. Later that night we took her to dinner.

When we got there we discovered Granddad' s calico cat had died. We think that she had complications trying to give birth. This was Kayla's first experience when it comes to a pet funeral. We just told Noah the kitty was sleeping and then distracted him. Kayla was really grown up about it and even stayed with her dad and grandma while they had the "funeral". It really bothers me that she has been exposed to so much loss over the last two years.

Monday James is off and his family will be here most of the day. I am hoping to go to the cemetery to see Danny. They finally set his head stone and I have not been there since the funeral almost 9 months ago. Other than that we will probably just grill out and let the kids play.

A couple of cute Noah sayings- He wants to go to the farmer (not the farm). He keeps telling us he is going to the farmer. Also he is trying hard to get all the names right. He still calls his great granddad "grandma-dad" and reminds us that he lives with Jesus. He is trying to keep his grandma and his great grandma straight. You can tell that he knows the difference but is confused about why we call one grandma Di and the other one just grandma. I guess he thought that she needed a "last name. So Patty explained to Noah that they use to call her grandma chickies because she had chickens and they use to get to help feed them. So when I asked Noah what he wanted to call grandma he replied "grandma feeds goats sandwiches". So where did that come from? Thursday she had taken Noah to the safari and they fed the baby goats bread. I think at that point the family really knew what I am up against every day. I just love his witty sense of humor.

Please continue to pray for Sharon. She is out of ICU but still needs to be in the hospital or in Rehab. The hospital wants to release her because she does not have insurance. She needs medical care above what the family can provide.

In Loving Memory of Maria Chapman

There are no words that can express the sorrow that fills our hearts today. Maria, our prayers are with your precious family as they walk this difficult journey with out you. May God continue to be their hope and may his mercy and grace fall upon them like healing rain. You are loved and cherished by all. You are a miracle, the daughter of a KING...a true Cinderella.

Continued Prayers

Please continue to pray for Sharon. She is out of ICU and because she does not have insurance they want to send her home. She needs to go to rehab. The home is in no way ready for her and she is in no way ready to come home. We need major prayers that funding will come through for her to be able to go to rehab.

I have my CT this morning. I am praying for clear informative results. Also we are praying that the answers will continue to come and so will the funding to have the surgery.

Our family is going through some very stressful storms right now "not to our choosing" and we could really use prayers. I am unable to give any details but it is really taking a toll on our whole family. I have never had high blood pressure but did when I went to the Dr. I am praying for peace and understanding and for God to move through this season giving us comfort and direction.

I need to go get ready for the CT. I also have a lot to do since James' family will be here this afternoon.

Up Date

It is 11 pm and we are home now. Sharon's surgery went well and she is in ICU. She is not out of the woods yet and needs our continued prayers. They are worried that they may not be able to save the foot. Only time will tell at this point. They are expecting that she will get pneumonia because of the broken ribs and cracked sternum. She has a history of pneumonia and with broken ribs she will not be able to cough and keep her lungs clear. She seemed to be in good spirits before the surgery but they are keeping her sedated at this point. She has a very long road ahead of her. We are concerned that once she is able to process what has happened that she will be overwhelmed. There was a big party planned this Sunday for her retirement and she was leaving on a cruise in June with her husband, her son, grandson, and daughter in law. The family is disappointed but grateful that she made it through the accident. At this time we do not know if anyone else was injured in the accident or what happened but it involved other vehicles and others might have been transported to the hospital. Please pray for them as well. At this time she is unable to even remember what happened.

Again thanks for your prayers.

Please Pray!

Lot's of fun today and over all a much needed retreat. There are many wonderful stories to post about today but for now we headed to the hospital.

Around 3 pm we received a call from James' best friend that his mom was in a car accident that involved three vehicles. She is in surgery as I type and could really use or prayers. We know at this time that she has a compound break at her ankle and knee. She also had a cracked sternum and broken ribs. Our children consider her to be grandma and we deeply love and respect her as one of the family. Please be in prayer for her as they said that she would be in surgery for a while.

Thanks in advance for the prayers. If you could please remember our family tonight as well. We have not been to this hospital since Danny was pronounced there. I know that seems weird but my stomach still turns every time we drive by let alone to walk those halls again.

Finaly some answers

Today I had my appointment with the ENT doctor. I was really looking forward to seeing him and getting some answers. I have been sick for about 7 months now and it has really begun to wear me down. Several of the symptoms I have had since my childhood but they have gotten worse over the last 7 months.

I must say that the appointment it's self went very well. I really liked to doctor. I actually had bible study with his mom last semester and she went to Thailand with our group. He listened to my many struggles and quickly picked up on what some of the problems might be. The good news is that I think we have an idea how to proceed, the bad news is the things that I thought would not be a problem were the problem. They decided to do blood work and send it to Texas for allergy testing. (I kinda had that one pegged.) If it comes back with two or more positives then they will send it through another panel of testing. If that comes back positive then they will send for a third. Each round takes about 10 days. Next week they are going to do a CT and check for infection. I have run a low grade fever for the past 7 months. They also did a scope today. That was not fun. I think that thing was as long as my arm and they ran it up my sinus cavity and then down into my throat. They do numb you first although that was an experience in it's self and did not alleviate all the pain. The scope showed that my nasal passage was severely deviated. That is a medical way of saying that my nasal passage is not straight and therefor can cause problems. He also said that my tonsils were enlarged. With this information and the fact that I snore, am always tired, and I stop breathing frequently at night they are considering surgery. He would like to wait until they have the CT and possibly a sleep study to move forward with a plan but at this point it looks as though that is the best option.

I am relieved that they are moving forward to find answers so that I can fell better soon, but I was not expecting them to move this fast. I have suffered from dull headaches, low grade fever, and fatigue for most of my life so it is hard to believe that there might be answers. I was not expecting surgery though. In fact because I had read about the side effects of surgery I had hoped that would not even be discussed. The surgery is not very complex but it is very painful and takes about three weeks to recover. They say that the pain is sever for about 10-14 days. Let me just say for the record that I am a major weenie and pain hurts me. I have only been in a hospital when I had Kayla other than that I like to say that hospitals are not for me.

Please pray for continued answers with this Doctor. I'm not sure what I would do with the ability to think clearly on a regular basis. I think that James was relieved that there was something concrete they can do. They can not say for sure that surgery will fix the problem so we will need to weigh our options but it is a start.

Also it has been a very stressful week... so much that I had high blood pressure for the first time since complications with my pregnancy 12 years ago. Please pray that God will give us wisdom in the midst of some very difficult storms. The enemy is using many things in our midst as pawns right now and we do not want him to have victory. Please pray that we will not grow weary and give into Satan's desires.

Everything to Me.

Everything To Me
by Mark Shultz

I must have felt your tears
When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms
I’m gonna run
And when you look in my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become

(Chorus)

Mother's Day means something different for every person. For most it is a time to celebrate the woman who is hard at work caring for her family. But for some, Mother's day is a painful reminder that they are unable to become a mother. Others are celebrating the first time with out a loved one. This day can also challenge those who have relationships that are estranged.

This year I want to recognize a woman who unselfishly chose life for her son and then gave him everything by gifting him for adoption. She must have known that she was making a sacrifice yet she still chose to give him a better life. She must have known that she would be giving a part of herself to some one that she might never know. I love my children with all that I am but I wonder if my love even compares to her's. I can not imagine the pain and loss that she must feel on birthdays, mothers day, or any other day that he comes to mind. I believe that a part of him will forever remain in her heart and that she must ache knowing that she was not able to be his forever mommy. My love for this woman is indescribable. She has given everything to him and everything to me.

As a mother I have been blessed to experience the miracle of adoption as well as having a biological child. Each experience has been a remarkable journey. Journeys that led me to a greater understanding of God's love and purpose for my life. These times taught me how to trust and how to wait upon the Lord and they taught me the true meaning of Faith. My journey to become a mother of two beautiful children is what led me to a faith in Christ that has changed my life. I have experienced God in a way that I would have possibly missed had I not gone through the struggles of infertility.

Having a biological daughter is a blessing and now more than ever we cherish the gift of her life. I thank God for allowing me to carry her in my womb and give birth to her. I thank God for allowing me to be there for every first in her life. I treasure the fact that she has our genetic tendencies. Her daddy's eyes and smile, my passion and and stubbornness. She is a miracle and was given to us through the Grace of God. She is beautiful and wonderful in every way. I have always said that she was my biggest challenge and greatest joy all wrapped up in a beautiful package.

Noah is a testament of God's goodness. He is my heart's desire. He was the Lords desire for our family. He was the child that God had planned for our family since the beginning of time. His placement in our family could only be orchestrated by the one who knew him in his mother's womb. God knew that his mother would chose life. He knew that she would give him birth and then give him a life of opportunities. How could I have ever known that my son would not grow in my womb but in my my heart thousands of miles away. When I stood on the 11th floor of that hotel room in Guatemala City and looked out over a beautiful country I knew that it was God himself that had brought me to this place. God chose me to be his mother. He chose me to rock him to sleep and kiss him good night. He chose me to change his diapers and keep is tummy full. He choose me to kiss his boo boos, and comfort him when he is scared. He chose me to teach me his ABC's. He chose me to be his forever mommy. I was not chosen to give him birth but I was chosen to give him the gift of a family.

Mother's Day will never mean the same to me. I will always fell as though I am partly a mom because of someone else's unconditional love and sacrifice. Thank you God for knowing what was best for our family. Thank you for all the times you said "No" and thank you for the times that you said "Yes". Please hug all the women that want to be a mother and comfort them while they are waiting for you to say yes. Hug the woman that are mothers but are not able to hold their children. Hug those that are missing their loved ones today.

Happy Mother's Day

National Day of Prayer for the Orphans of Guatemala

One last post for today.

I wanted to share that while we are at a place in our journey where we are able to enjoy Noah being home, we have not forgotten those that are still in process.

We too wept over that new set of pictures that would once again remind us of the precious time we were loosing. At the same time thanking the Lord for the pictures because it made Noah feel real to us and allowed us to bond with him before we even met him. We have cried out to the Lord that he would ease the pain and bring forth miracles. We have felt the Lord's hand upon us as we ached to hold our son and have him home with us. We will never forget what it felt like to wait upon the Lord and his timing and we will never forget what it felt like when the Lord said "it is time."

The bottom line is we remember. As we remember we pray for those who's hearts are full but their arms are still empty. We pray for those who still need a miracle and for those that are still waiting for the Lord to say it is time.

The sorrow that we experienced has been replaced with a joy that is indescribable. Instead of counting the days we have lost we count the days that we have gained. We ask that the Lord never allow us to forget our journey so that we will continue to have compassion for those that are still suffering and so that we may continue to lift up those that are still waiting.

So tonight weather you are tucking your little Guatemalan prince or princess into bed, or aching to be the one to kiss them good night remember those that are still in need of a miracle...the waiting families, the children and the orphans of Guatemala . May we all Join in praying these precious children home. Pray for those who are yet to have been given a chance of having a forever family and pray for those that are caring for them. The Guatemalan government is ever changing and unpredictable but our God is a god of consistency. His love is never ending and his mercy never fails.

If you are still waiting for the Lord to say yes please know that you are loved and that joy comes in the morning. We remember you and your precious little ones and we ask God to comfort you while you wait on Him.

If you are interested in more information about the first National Day of prayer for the Orphans of Guatemala please visit the link under friends and favorites.