Friday, April 22, 2011

How Many Moms Do I Have?

This past summer my sister came for a visit. While she was here we went to the gym. We lost track of time and forgot that the childcare center in the gym closed for a short time mid morning. One of the workers came in and said "is there an Aunt April in here?" My sister looked at me, I looked at her and then my sister responded "this is his mom!" (Thanks for throwing me under the bus, sis!) We had no idea what he had done but we figured it must have been bad. Then the worker reminds us that they are closed and that they had been looking all over the facility for a "Mexican" family. Well first he is not Mexician he is Guatemalan and second don't you remember me dropping him off on several occasion?

Fast forward to this past Monday morning when we enrolled Noah in kindergarten. We forget sometimes that just because we know what our family looks like that others do not. We realized that it was time to talk to Noah about being able to tell others what our family looks like in a way they will understand and will help him stay safe if he is ever looking for us. I forget that people look for a brown face when waiting for his mom and dad. We take for granted that everyone is open to adoption and that they know to look for these things in a family.

While talking to Noah he keeps reminding me that he knows he is brown and that I am white and that he has two moms. The mom that took care of him in Guatemala and the mom who grew him in her tummy. I asked him "what am I?" He said "I don't know but you did not grow me in your tummy so you are not my mom." This is the first time he has ever said this. It took me by surprise and I had to swallow hard and press back some pretty raw emotions. Almost as if I had just been nicked by a razor. I kept my composure though and reminded him that he grew in my heart and that I am his forever mom. The mom that would always take care of him. He reminded me that one day I will die and that I can't be with him forever. Some days he is just to smart for his own good.

The conversation continues and James tells Noah that he better be good to his forever mom because she is not going anywhere anytime soon. So Noah's next question is why "peach people don't have brown babies?" James starting trying to explain genetics. I started to talk about our hair color and said " just like dad has blond hair" but Noah interrupted and said " dad does not have blond hair it is gray!" This was pretty much the end of this conversation.


Reba said...

Oh, how I love those conversations. I really do. It is always interesting to see what is going on in their heads. I know it must have been hard to not react when Noah said that. In his mind it made sense, but I also know it must have hurt like the dickens. Oh, the joys of motherhood...