Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Not exactly what I would have planned....but still a great day.

I really did not start the day with huge expectations. I really was just looking forward to remembering a very special day that happened two years ago. Most families do not celebrate gotcha day but for us it symbolizes the day that we first held him. His birthday is still very important to us and we want it to be special to him but we do not have any memories of that day. Also for many families they had either fostered or met their child previous to their gotcha day. James and I chose not to visit because at that time adoptions were being processed through quickly and we knew that once we held him and bonded with him in the flesh that we would be of no use in our lives back here in the US. So that day is the day that I first counted his ten little toes (I had never even seen a picture of them), touched his soft baby skin, and became familiar with his smell. It was just like the day I gave birth to Kayla and realized that she was really mine and that I got to take her home with me. That day he became real to us-instead of a dream.

When we celebrated our first gotcha day last year we were in Colorado. James, Kayla, Noah and I left early that morning and drove to the Mountains. We headed up to San Isabel National Forest where James and I had spent a lot of our time growing up. I use to work at the resort and we wanted to take the kids there. I remember trying to have a restful memorable day thinking about the day we met Noah and how a year later we were in a place where it all began. (James and I met in Colorado). Instead I had a screaming one year old that was throwing tantrums and taking all my energy to contain. I could not even focus on the warm fuzzy feelings that I had experienced a year ago. By the end of the day we were exhausted and we could not wait to send him to bed. It was still early and he was throwing another tantrum so I took him to our room at James' parents hose to calm him down. At that point I had decided it was best to just put him to bed early. After I put him in his pj's he cuddled in tight and I began to rock him. He had not been rocked to sleep in a few months- he preferred it that way. So I figured it would last a few minuets and then I would put him in his playpen. To my surprise he fell asleep in my arms and I began to sob. The poor little guy was soaked in my tears by the time his daddy came to check on us. One minuet I just wanted him to go to bed and the next my heart was overflowing with memories of the first time I held him and rocked him to sleep. I held him for a very long time and I am so glad that I did. I'm not sure that I have had that opportunity more than a few times since then.

For those that know our little man they know that he is in constant motion. He can not even sit still to eat. He must always be moving. The little guy has no concept of personal space. I have the broken toe nails to prove it. I can not begin to tell you how many times a day I ask him to settle down and be still. If you don't he just continues to wind up tighter and tighter. Even at that he is still moving.

It is a new year and another gotcha day. Here's a run down. We left early this morning so that we could help a friend get her vehicle to the shop. We were actually up and ready on time. The kids were fed and all was going according to the plan. We had prepared Noah that today was a special day and we gave him his adoption bracelet to wear. James wore his to work and Kayla and I wore ours too. Noah's was too big so we put it on his ankle. It was too cute. I will post a picture of it tomorrow. We have been talking to him about gotcha day and how he lived with his grandma Alicia until mom and dad could fly to get him. He loves to see pictures of the plane. It took me a while to catch on but this whole week he has been telling us that he loves airplanes. His room is done in planes so I thought that he was finally taking an interest in them because of that. Any way he really like to talk about Guatemala and how he grew in mommy's heart. He knows that sissy grew under mommy's heart in her tummy and that he grew in my heart. Today when a friend asked him about his special day he told them that he grew in mommy's heart and that he was born in an airplane. If you ask him where he was born he will tell you in an airplane. Now we understand why he suddenly likes airplanes.

While we were waiting for the van to come out of the shop we went to the mall to do some shopping. When it was lunch time we all picked a place and ate at the food court. I was rally torn and I have to say that I wish that I had gone with my gut instinct. Noah wanted Chick-fil-a so that is what we got him. Kayla and I decided that we would eat Chinese. That is where we usually but I kept thinking that I should go to Subway or some where else. Chinese was what Kayla wanted so to make it easy that's what we ate. This time I decided to try the sweet and sour chicken. Bad idea. I gave Kayla a few pieces and then I had the rest. As I ate the chicked it just didn't seem that good. It was really hard to chew and well I will spare details but I should have known there was a problem. Because you did it in sauce I really had not taken the time to look at it. Finally something told me to look at the piece that I could hardly bite through. Yep- it was raw. Noah had eaten the rice that it was laying on and Kayla and I had eaten the raw chicken. I do not know how I could have eaten what I did. I really thought that it tasted wrong but decided it was probably just there recipe. Again I will spare the many details but I did get physically sick after I realized what just happened. The big shock came when the mgnt did not take the situation seriously. He kept saying that it was fine that they had cooked it for 8 min. I stood there and showed him the raw chicken - not bloody but raw. He refunded my money and I asked him what if my kids get sick? He still did not take it serious. Later I made a phone call to the health dept. and they too did not seem to be very worried. They asked me what I wanted them to do. I said that they needed to be aware in case people became ill. We were served the last pieces form the pan so you know that others were served. So other than the fact that it will be some time before I can even think about chicken, not sure I will be eaing sweet n sour any time soon I am just praying that the kids and I do not get sick.

The rest of the day was just filled with mom stuff. Noah pooped in his pants for the first time today. I did not realize it until it was all over me and him. He did not get a nap so dinner was a little emotional. We took him to Applebees since that is where we ate dinner the first night we met him. Our first pictures out with him were at Applebees. Dinner was also late because James had to work later than usual. After he got to the restaurant he got a call from a client and he had to go back to the office (the client left the keys to his rental car in James office). At that point we called to let the rest of the group know that we were going to be late meeting them for ice cream at DQ. To top of the day we had many boo-boos but thankfully none that required stitches.

So this year I officially feel like a broken in boy mom. I have been peed on, pooped on, stepped on, and the list goes on and on. I now know not to expect warm fuzzy feelings. Non the less they are still wonderful feelings of praise and gratitude to God for allowing me to be this little boy's mommy. And at the end of the day he still screams out " I love my mommy" and backs it up with a big kiss while stepping on my already torn up toe nails. I love being a boy mommy...but now it is time for me to go and refuel.



David and Marianne said...

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words! I love this blog... was wonderful to read about 2 yrs. down the road : )

I loved how you have explained adoption to your son as "growing in your heart"! Perfect description of what transpires through the miracle of adoption!

Reba said...

Sounds like a special day even though things NEVER go as I planned either. :) But just the fact that you all realize how God brought you together and how you grew in one another's hearts...that makes for a special day!
PS I am glad you didn't get sick!