Things that make you feel old and young at the same time...

CO-ED VOLLEYBALL!

We won our first game tonight. We are really getting better at communication and playing as a team. We had a great night but we were down to 5 players on the floor with no substitutions. We had a lot of players out sick tonight. So considering these facts we really played well as a team. We leave feeling young and spry and reminded of our youth...then we wake up in the morning and can't life our arms above our heads. It takes an extra 5 minuets to stand up because the muscles in your legs are weak and burning. The good news is these feelings only last a few weeks and then you are back in reasonable shape. The bad news... the season is now over.

Congratulations Team. Your awesome!

I have started several new post and have not finished any of them. We had a really good weekend. Saturday morning we took the kids to the pumpkin patch (speaking of which, I think the pumpkins are still in my van) to take pictures and pick out this years perfect pumpkin for carving. After that we rushed to a friends house an hour late so that we could celebrate Abbie's second adoption day with her and her family. After a late lunch (because we were late) the kids played and Abbie opened a few gifts. The guys grabbed a quick nap and then we headed out for a hike that would take us to a cave and a water fall.

Sunday brought a much needed nap. James had to work extra nights this week. I helped him with one of them, he did the other two on his own. This means that we get to bed about 9 or 10 then up at 1:30 am work till 4:00 or 4:30 am then try to get back to sleep until 6am then up and back at the regular job. He typically works one night a week (on the weekend) but with craft fair we had extra days. We had a lot of early mornings, late nights, and we had our first volley ball scrimmage this week. Usually we play for one hour, this last week it was two. By Sunday we were all whooped.

Monday I woke up tired, achy, congested and with a really bad stomach ache. This lasted all day and into Tuesday. It was tough staying focused on school. Tuesday I had to get kids by 6:30 am and still fighting the sickness. I started feeling better around 3 or 4 pm and so we went to run some errands. Wednesday I was sleeping in and hopefully going to get caught up on laundry and school. I had to meet someone at 9:30 am then I would be back home and focused. I even wrote a note so that I would not forget my appointment.

I was hoping to sleep in till 8am. We are usually up at 7:30 then ready to start school by 8 but we were going to start a little later today. Instead my phone rang at 7:15 this morning. When I answered it was my mom informing me that my grandfather had passed away at 3:30 this morning. We talked for a short while and discussed what we thought would be the arrangement details. I spent the next hour looking into flights and decided it was not a cost effective way to go. The rest of the morning was spent trying to work on details. I also kept my nephew today because his mom had to work and I figured it would keep my mind off things. A little after 9 I received a phone call reminding me that I had an appointment. I quickly showered and left as soon as my nephew got there. The rest of the day was filled with phone calls to hotels, family, etc. At 3pm Kayla decided to leave with Amber and eat with them at church. This would allow me to finally put Noah down for his nap and make so more calls to solidify reservations now that we know when the service will be. I had just started dinner when Amber called and said that she was at the emergency room with her oldest daughter and Kayla was with her and not at church. The next several hours was spent in the ER. Her daughter is doing better but has a sever kidney infection and ear infection. She is still running a high fever and in a lot of pain. I brought the kids home when we realized that the ER visit was going to take a while and feed them dinner. Prior to my leaving for the hospital a good friend of mine calls and ask if I could take care of her daughter Thursday because her mom is in the hospital and they believe that she has had a heart attack. She apologized when she had heard about my day and said "I should not have bothered you". I just said it's okay, if they are at the same hospital I will just make my rounds. Of course no such luck. So tomorrow I will have her daughter and will be trying yet again to get caught up on some extra school work that we are working on and trying to get the house ready to leave. We also have a volleyball game tomorrow night. The funeral is on Monday so we are going to wait until Sunday to leave. The kids are going to stay with a friend so that we can make a quick trip. Plus we do not have anything to do with Noah while we are at the funeral if we take him with us.

So the run down is that it has been a long exhausting day and the next several days do not promise to be any better. I am tired physically and emotionally. I'm sure that these thought do not make much sense but it is all I can muster at this point. My bed is calling me.

Missing pieces of 2007

Bob




So I was looking for Fall pictures from 2007 because we have yet to take any for 2008. I have needed them a few times and could not figure out what I had done with them. Then it dawned on me that we did not have time for fall activities last year. I guess I just thought that somehow we managed to make it to the pumpkin patch, carve pumpkins, and take fall pictures. The only fall pictures that we have are ones that we had done in November at JC Penny's for Noah's second birthday.

Instead we were busy in many different ways. Some of the things that we were doing this time last year included...moving Amber out of the new house and back into the old house, helping take care of her and the kids due to Danny's death, Philip's birth and complications from the birth. We were also welcoming home Mark from a year in Iraq, and nursing Kayla as she had severely sprained her ankle at Mark's welcome home party. No wonder there are no pictures of pumpkins and fall activities. We do however have many pictures of spending time with the new baby and pictures of Kayla's lovely ankle (which was almost as big as a small pumpkin). We did manage one of our family traditions which was to watch "It's A Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". We have watched this every year since Kayla was very little. We even own our own copy. We do not celebrate Halloween but we love fall and that movie is one of our favorites. We just love Peanuts.

Another happening last fall was the addition of Bob. Who is Bob? Well he happens to be the long awaited Jeep Cherokee. James has wanted a project jeep for as long as I have known him. Of course I have not fully understood this passion but relented last year when we were all under an extreme amount of stress. If this would help release some of the overwhelming responsibility then who was I to stand in the way. Actually I was counseled on the matter extensively. Many of his close friends said that this was exactly what he needed and the new widow in our life made a good point that life is short and you just do not know how long you have to fulfill those dreams. Danny had always wanted a motorcycle and had finally purchased one two months before he died. He passed away just weeks before he was going to be attending his first Bikes Blues & Bar-B-Q on his own bike. So knowing all of this I just could not quench his dreams any longer.

So... Bob still has not moved; except to take my parking spot but I have been patient and slow to share negative feelings towards Bob. However I am growing ever so eager to have my parking place back. With any luck maybe by the first snow?

We are looking forward to many new memories this fall and winter. Even though 2007 brought several tragedies we experienced many blessings. We may not have pictures to post and reflect on, and many of the memories are not how we would have planned them, but they hold a special place in the life of our family. They are unique and treasured and we are grateful that we were able to share in them. We welcome this new season with great anticipation!

A day off!

Saturday our ABF ladies went to Branson to go shopping. We had planned to spend the night Friday and then shop on Saturday but too many found it difficult to work out childcare. Instead we left about 8am Saturday morning and returned around 10pm.

We had a safe day filled with fun and shopping. It was really good to have a much needed break form the daily grind and from the responsibility of the kiddos. We shopped until about 2pm and then went to Olive Garden for the never ending pasta bowl. We had a fabulous waiter that was fun and witty. We had a great meal, fun fellowship, and a lot of Diet Coke. W also ordered five different desserts and then shared them. The best part we didn't have to share with kids and we never had to take some one to the bath room. We didn't even have wipes with us. I do not remember a time recently that the meal did not end with getting out the travel wipes. After dinner we returned for several more hours of shopping. We did not have to stop because someone was throwing a tantrum or to take them to the bathroom. We were not rushed to get done before the melting point hit. It was so much fun and so relaxing.

All this to say that I owe a big THANK YOU to my wonderful husband who stayed behind to care for 5 children. That's right. He took care of our two and Amber's three. Not only that he was up most of the night working. He is such a champ. I talked to him a couple of times that day and he was either at the park or giving baths etc. The kids said that they had a great day. He took them to a few garage sales, to the park, McDonald's, they played Monopoly, watched TV, he made them pizza for dinner and then sent them through the bath tub. He did have two really great helpers but he also had a 5 yr old, 2 yr old and a 1 yr old. Now the house was trashed but it was well worth the day off. Thanks James...you are an awesome husband, dad and uncle!

Adventures in Parenting

It has been awhile since I have posted faithfully. Life is pretty busy since school started and I have so few brain waves left at the end of the day. I am trying to stay on top of chores ect. but things have gone down hill lately. It's amazing how fast the chores can get away form you.

It has been awhile since I have posted about the surgery. We have seen so many amazing results. I feel like I am sleeping so much better. Many nights I am sleeping through the night. The down side to that is that I wake up sore from sleeping in the same position for so long. Two weeks ago I got my first cold since the surgery. I had forgotten how miserable I once felt. The good news is that I was over the cold in a little over a week. In the past it would have kept me down for weeks and even months. Today I have had a terrible headache. The good side of that is that this the second headache that I have had since the recovery part of the surgery. I lived with chronic headaches and relied on pain meds more than I would have liked. I mostly suffered through them to avoid the meds but it was still more than normal. Now I have only taken Advil a few times since recovery. I am still having some pain and irritation in my throat when I am tired. That seems to trigger something, not sure why. I can breath so much easier and actually sound better too. Many people have commented on how much clearer I sound. There are still a few things we need to address and I go back to the ENT in December but for now we are seeing promising results. I am still needing to see my regular doctor about other issues but haven't followed through with that like I should.

School with Kayla is going well. It is already hard to stay focused. We both would rather be doing so many other things with our time. We are staying on track though and have a few fun field trips to look forward to. She is really enjoying youth group. They are talking about a lot of grown up issues and she is really responding to it. We love our youth workers and trust them tremendously. We had an opportunity to work closely with them in Thailand and think they are amazing. Life with a teenager (well very soon to be official teen) keeps you moving and on your toes. There is always some where to be and some kind of drama going on. Kayla is an amazing young lady and we are so blessed by her sweet spirit yet there are still challenges when raising a young lady. This stage of their life to them and trying to parent them in it is new to us. We are faced with the knowledge of what it was like to be that age and it seems to scare the pants off us. We remember those days and the choices and temptations that we were faced with. Today they are faced with so much more. We are trying to be supportive and keep healthy boundaries at the same time. Some days we just totally freak out and want to lock her up till she's thirty. The sad thing is the rough part hasn't even begun.

Our little man is keeping us on our toes these days too. He is full of new vocabulary and opinions. One minuet he is so witty and cute the next minuet he has totally crossed the line and spending time in his room on his bed. His latest attempt at checking his boundaries took place while renting a movie. I had asked him to not touch the movies because he would pick them up and then put them in a different spot. After a few reminders I told him that if it happened again then he would have to go sit in the van with his sissy. I held his hand for a few minuets to help with the temptation, Next thing I knew I saw him reaching for them. I kindly spoke his name as a reminder and he turned to me and kindly but directly said "you not tell me what to do". So he was sent to the van with sissy. I know that she was thinking why am I being punished. The good news was that all I had left to do was pay. When I got in the van he looked at me and said "mommy you spank me softly". I told him he was not getting a spanking but he was going home and going to bed for a nap. Our days are filled with him testing boundaries and trying out his extended vocabulary.

We welcome the challenges that come with raising two beautiful strong willed children. We would not have it any other way. We learn so much through them and are so grateful that God has allowed us to be parents. We may not be perfect and it is not easy but we enjoy the adventure and continue to make some great memories along the way. We tire easily these days but with God's help we manage enough strength to make it one more day.

A must share moment!

Last night we decided to use some eye drop in Noah's eyes. He is prone to eye infections and they were getting red and had some drainage. He also complained of them hurting all day. We have used these drops a lot since he came home but have not used them since last winter. We knew the drill and knew that it would take both of us to make this happen. We tried to down play it so he would not freak out but still have extra hands when needed. As soon as he saw the drops he was not happy. We managed to get both eyes doctored when he began screaming "you killed my eyes, you killed my eyes!" We reassured him that in a minuet he could open them and they would feel better. He just kept telling us that we killed his eyes. While we felt bad that he was upset and that the drops do sting we could not help but laugh at his insight. This morning we had to repeat the drops and after we finished he looked me in the eyes and asked me, "where did you get that medicine?" I told him that the doctor gave it too me. He asked me for the name of the doctor. I told him, but he still seemed as though we had done something unethical.

Tonight we went with our Adult Bible Fellowship group to see Fireproof. This was a very powerful movie. If you have not been to see it you should. Please do not wait to rent it. We need to support this movie while it is in the theater. You will not be disappointed. Please let your voice be heard by showing film makers that we support these movies. Make sure you take your tissues. I can only imagine the impact that this movie would have on families if everyone in America saw this film.

"Oh No You Never Let Go"

I am really tired tonight but wanted to stop and post about a neat moment today before I forget about it. I seem to forget a lot these days.

Tonight we were headed home after celebrating a friends 40th birthday and his wife's graduation when we heard our little Noah singing in the back seat. He had been singing since we started to drive off but James, Kayla and I were talking and not really listening. Noah usually sings his ABC's or numerous preschool songs that he knows. Tonight I realized that he was singing something different and tried to get Kayla and James to listen but not stop talking. If he knows we are listening he will stop. Anyway they finally heard it too..."Oh no you never let go through calm and through storms oh never let go Lord never let go me". That is what our little boy was belting out over and over. It just amazes me that at two years old he is singing praises to our God most High. I just knew that God was smiling even bigger than we were. That song has been the back bone of our faith as we have walked through the joys and sorrows of the past two years. Thank you Lord for never letting go!

There's more that I could share but this was the high-light of my day.

Here I am so far behind again. I think about posting often but just too over whelmed at the end of the day. It has been an emotional week and a tiring week. I have been sick and now Noah is sick. The guy barley has a voice and he coughs until he sounds like he going to throw up. He has also had a little fever. I hate it when my kids are sick but he is so much calmer when he is. I know it is wrong for me to enjoy his calmer side but what can I say except that we are all flawed.

Today was James 34th birthday. All day long Noah has been singing "Happy Dirt Day". I'm not sure where he got that one. I could tell he was feeling a little better today because he was such a ham. He is still very congested but moving around more.

We met several families at Acambaro for dinner and cake tonight. We enjoyed the fellowship and good food. James received some very thoughtful and fun gifts. Thanks to everyone who was able to come and help us celebrate. The kids and I went to Fayetteville today and took James out to lunch for his birthday. All in all it was a good day. We are all happy that tomorrow is Friday and that Saturday we can sleep in. More later if I get around to it.

Momma Chicken?

I had to stop and post this so I would not forget this.

This morning Noah and Philip were eating breakfast. Philip was throwing his food in the floor (it's the thing he does most these days). He continued to throw it in the floor and I finally said "Philip you're being a turkey, stop throwing your food in the floor"! Noah looked very puzzled and then asked me "is that a momma chicken"? Of course I was lost and asked him what he said again. He asked me again "is a turkey like a momma chicken"? For a little guy who loves animals he really gets confused with their names. What we have come to find out is that he is really into zoo and safari animals but he is mixed up on his farm animals. He knows them he just periodically calls them the wrong name or makes the wrong sound for them. The animal that he gets mixed up on most often is the giraffe. He calls it a dragon.

Rush Of Fools Strret Date Concert

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tonight we took Kayla and a friend to the Rush of Fools Street Date concert. Noah stayed with his Aunt Ber while we went. It was a really fun night and the girls really enjoyed themselves. We went at 4:30 and then James met us after work. There was a concert at 4:30 and then at 6:30. James brought pizza so that the girls and I did not have to leave. We had a pretty good view and could have been right up front but James and I really did not want to be smack dab in the middle of all those teens.

Kayla and Hanna had a picture autographed and Kayla had them sign her shirt too. During the concert they threw out guitar picks (which I had to fight for because Kayla is learning to play guitar). I really did not fight for it but I did have to be on my toes. She was up in the loft and they were not throwing them up there. She was excited. We wish that they had the name of the band on them but she was just excited that they had touched them. Oh, I so remember those days! It was a fun night and we really enjoyed worshiping with such a great band. They are amazingly talented and they have a passion for reaching those with addiction. They work with a foundation that brings awareness and healing for pornography and sexual addiction. If you have not heard this group you should check out their music. I really like it when we can enjoy the same music that our teen does. Also if you live in our area check out Skia christian book store. They were amazing to offer this event and the store has so much to offer. It is not your traditional christian book store. Youwill just have to check it out for yourselves.

Happy Un-Birthday

Place Settings
Goody Boxes ~ I love it when I have the chance to be creative!
Look at these cute cupcakes our director made. We each had our own little flower basket.
This was a giant "cup cake" cake made to look like a flower basket!


Saturday our ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) class celebrated all the ladies birthdays. This event was to kick off our fall events. We are planning a retreat in October and we will be starting a bible study soon. The party was a lot of fun and it was a way to love on our ladies. Everyone brought a "girl friend" gift for our gift exchange and at the end everyone got to take home there goody boxes. I had a lot of fun doing the boxes and decorations and our director worked very hard on the cupcakes. Over all it was a huge success and tons of fun.

Where sorrow and joy meet.

Well it has been 15 days since my last post. So much has happened, so many thoughts have come and gone. I'm not really sure where to even start. I have been reading other post of friends but I just have not had the time, energy or mental capacity to put these last 14 days into words. I'm going to try so that one day when I look back I can see God at work in us and those around us.

When we first started this blog it was to keep family and friends informed during our adoption. Then tragedy struck our family and life with a new baby happened. The blog went untouched for a long period of time and there are so many gaps that I hope to one day fill in. On the other hand I feel like instead of looking back it is time to move forward.

One of the reasons that I began to blog again was because I needed an outlet and a way to process life. I also want family and friends to feel connected, but most of all I just need these thoughts saved so that I can go back and remember how God has moved in our lives. I need to be reminded of the trials and joys of life. It is a place where I can record life and ponder on it as I look back.

We had a great time in KS at the Great Wolf Lodge. Some of the circumstances that surrounded the planning were stressful and we knew that they were schemes from the enemy himself. I so do not like him! We prayed through them and God blessed us with a wonderful memorable trip. Our family as well as two other families made it through the anniversary of Danny's death. Memorial Day was busy as we spent the day playing and celebrating family. Monday night we were driving home when it occurred to me that one year ago we were standing in the hospital, in shock, wondering what just happened. I wanted to pinch my self and wake up shaking off this horrible dream. How were we ever going to make it through this. How do you heal after such a great loss. Well our God is BIG and he is GOOD because one year later we were laughing with the same family and singing silly songs. Trying to name the artist or the song and remembering a husband, father, son and dear friend. Yes, we are moving forward. That is what Danny would want and that is certainly what our Father wants for us. Life is too precious to not celebrate every moment.

I am sure that many people read this blog and wonder why I post so often about death or the families that it has effected. Isn't this blog about adoption and about life being a journey? Why not just write about the journey that brings happiness? All I can say is that we have learned more in these times of sorrow than any other time. Because we live in a fallen world our lives must be intertwined with sorrow and joy. This is where our foundation is tested

As a family we have experienced several tragedies. These tragedies have molded us and formed us into the family that we are today. We are not professing to have the worst experiences out there but we have felt deep sorrow we have experienced our share of the enemies schemes. What I have learned through these is that God does not promise us that this life will be easy but instead speaks of it's difficulties. I wish that we could bypass the trials and troubles of this world but I have to admit that I would not be sold out for Christ if it had all been easy. I would have never learned to trust Him or to turn to Him in difficult times. I would not have sought Him out and wrestled with Him. I would not have seen His suffering or acknowledged my need for His forgiveness. If I had not been wounded I would not have experienced a desperate need for Him. If I had not searched I would not have found Him. If I had not had my heart broken I would not have felt His heart beating. If he answered all my prayers the way I wanted I would not know Jesus as I know Jesus today. He would not be my Abba, my Father, my Redeemer, my Shelter, my Tower of Strength. I would be eternally lost and with out hope. So even though I have questions and my heart aches when life takes that unexpected turn I find comfort in knowing and believing that my God is my Salvation and that this world is my opportunity to show His Love to those who are yet to find and experience that Love and peace that carries me through.


I'm not sure how to share this thought so I am going to just type and ask God to speak. I want to share where my heart is on "family". God has really used Noah's adoption to speak to me about the meaning of family. If you spend much time around our family you would believe that we have a great deal of extended family living close by. You will hear us talk about sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The truth is we only have James grandmother (granddad passed away in November) and James aunt and uncle that live nearby. The rest of our family is spread out in other states. I'm sure this is not making sense but what I am trying to say is that our children have people in there lives that they refer to as aunt, uncle, etc. We have people in our lives that we refer to as sister and brother. I have been asked many times if I am related to so and so. The answer is usually no. So where am I going with this? A friend once asked me (actually she asks me a lot) why we help her so much. We usually say because you are our sister. Her response is "not by blood so your not obligated". Our response "what about Noah"? "He does not share our blood but we are committed to him." If the only way we can be family is biological blood then our family is a lie. The reason that we help each other and that we call each other family is because of the blood of Jesus. We share eternal blood. It is His blood that connects us and makes us family. We love them because He loves us. His blood was shed so that we could become one and fellowship together. It is not about the blood that runs through our veins and keeps our heart beating. Our blood will one day cease while his has eternal power. His blood covers sin and enables us to fellowship with Him. My point is that we need to think of others as our eternal family and love them in the here and now. We are all so busy with our own families that we we balk at the thought of connecting with another family that may need us to walk with them. This is our only time to make a difference. One day this game of life will end and all the game pieces will go into a box and it will perish. What will we have left. What will our families have left. Who is your family? How well do you know those that you will spend an eternity with? Here's what I have experienced...when you go through infertility for 12 years you begin to reach out to other people's children as your own. You invest in their lives and you connect with them because you long for that relationship. Then there is adoption. I have come to understand my adoption into God's Kingdom so much more clearly after experiencing Noah's adoption. Have you ever loved and given of yourself outside your own blood in a way that will make an eternal difference? If not you are missing one of the greatest earthly rewards there is to receive. Remember God does not need us to take care of His Kingdom but He left His world and came to ours so that we could experience His Kingdom here on earth. His Kingdom exist within the hearts of those that believe in Him and one day, sooner than we know, He will return for His Kingdom.

Great Wolf Lodge...Here We Come

Noah playing at the inside water park
This is part of the out side water park

One of the kids water slides
Statues outside the Great Wolf Lodge
This is the famous GWL bucket
A picture by the mantel
Kayla chilling out after a long day of travel and play (this is a a bunk in the kids cabin that is was in our room)

Kids cabin located inside our room-it has it's own T.V. and Video game system
The "grown up" portion of the room- We also had a small kitchen and balcony



Earlier in the summer I did a few post about our upcoming trip to Texas. In one of those post I stated that we had a surprise for our kids and that we would post about it when we returned (as to not spoil the surprise). I never got around to posting. I'm still working on the pictures. My camera was down so I borrowed a friends and it is taking time to get the pictures down loaded and edited. I took more photos than I have ever taken at one time. When I'm done then I want to turn them into slide shows. It was one of the best vacations I have had with my children. ( I decided to post a few of the pictures from our last trip.

The big surprise was that we stopped in Grapevine TX at the Great Wolf Lodge. The kids were so excited. It is an amazing place for kids and families. One of the reasons that we went was it is a family favorite for Amber, her late husband, and their kids. She wanted to take the kids back but knew that it would be difficult since this was were they spent many family vacations. We really enjoyed our time and we made some new memories.

Since this is such a difficult weekend Amber decided that we should all go away for the weekend and what better place than the GWL. This will be the first time James has been. We are going with another family as well. We thought that it would be fitting that since we were all together one year ago we should be together a year later. According to the date it will not be one year until Wednesday but it was Labor Day Monday when we received that devastating phone call. It was also her birthday so we are going to celebrate her birthday this weekend. Her real birthday is the 3rd...the day he died and so we are going to celebrate early. It is going to be a surprise. I took the kids last night so that they could buy their mom something for her birthday. We had such a good time and they were really into shopping for her. To my surprise they haven't spilled the beans either. She told me today that her kids have not said a word about what we did last night. The 5 year old did say that we went to the circus. I told her to tell her mom that if she asked where we went. So last night when I dropped the kids off the 5 year old said " aunt Angie I had so much fun at the circus. That was the best cotton candy." She is just too much for words some days.

I will probably not have much time to post next week. We will come home on Monday, Tuesday I start keeping Philip part time, and then Wednesday...well it is just going to be a difficult day.

If you are reading this post please pray for this dear family. This year has been so difficult for them. If you only knew the extent of the obsticials that they have had to face on top of loosing Danny. Please pary that we will know how to comfort them and how to support them through this next week as we move through the one year anniversary of this tragedy. Also pray for us as we celebrate Philip's first birthday...with out his dad.

We Figured It Out!

Noah watching TV after his one mile run
I only see him this still when he is really sick
This is a pretty normal site around our house
This is where Noah sits if Sissy is in the floor. He sits on her back more than he sits in a chair



So far we are off to a great start this week. Monday I was officially released by the doctor. I was also able to start driving again because I was able to stop taking the narcotic pain medications. I am actually not taking any pain meds at this time. Tuesday I lost one of the last "BIG" scabs. This was a big deal because now there is no risk of bleeding. I still have some minor scabbing that is irritating but not very painful. There is still some pain especially with my ears and my throat is still achy but I finally feel human again. I am actually eating some solid foods although I still have to eat very small bites. Sneezing and yawning still hurts something awful, and I can't stand for my throat to become dry. I had my first full glass Diet Coke today. It actually tasted good for the first time. It still burns a little...not the good kind of burn either but it is getting better. I still prefer water which is better for me any way. My nose is still sore and I can tell it is in that itchy healing stage. It is more tender than it has been but I think that it is doing pretty good.

My ENT said that he wanted me to start power walking two miles a day as soon as I was released. We had intended to start walking when school started but I was thinking that we would start off with a mile on school days. Monday we started school and we incorporated our walking into our school day (it was great for PE). We also went for a walk that evening when James came home. Today I drove the van to see how far we were walking and it was a little over one mile. Since we are walking the same route morning and evening we are accomplishing our two plus miles a day. So far we have done this for two days. Here's the best part. Instead of pushing Noah in the stroller I decided to let him walk Monday morning. He ran most of the way. I am telling you this boy has so much energy. So then it came time for our evening walk and I planned on taking the stroller. When he heard we were going for our walk he got so excited and ran out the door with dad. He ran the whole way again. Remember we are power walking. Not the fastest in the world but not a leisure stroll. Then we met some friends for ice cream at DQ (I know that kinda cancels out the walk) and he played for about an hour on the play ground. I could not believe that the child could still stand and this only proves how much energy he has. So today we go for our walk and he is very excited but moving a little slower. We get home and walk in the door. He asked for his juice and said "I just need to watch Sesame Street". We did his letters in his name and colored his picture first. Then he went and got his blankie and laid in the floor and watched Sesame Street. We really do not let him watch a lot of TV nor does he sit very long when he does. This time however he did not move. When it was over he came in and said 'I'm so hungry and my wegs hurt". I made him some lunch and then he took a three hour nap. SO I FIGURED IT OUT! All I have to do to wear out my two year old is let him run three miles in two days and let him play at the park for an hour. No big deal. SIGH!

School is going pretty well. Monday she was done by three and today she was done by four or four thirty. That includes any seat work or home work. I have to say that God has such a sense of humor. I believe that since I did not take school very serious he is having me repeat it. I have to study as much as she does. I also have to read the same novels so that we can discuss them. Today we started Ann of Green Gables. It is pretty good so far.

This year I decided that if we had any attitude problems such as arguing, complaining or just a bad attitude that she was going to have to do ten jumping jacks for every offense. It works great. By the time shes done she's usually laughing at the situation and her attitude is better. She has to start her jumping jacks over if they are sloppy so yesterday she did several sets in the morning before she understood that I meant business. Today we only had one offense. This may work for attitude and PE.

So far we are off to a good start. Last year at this time we were plugging away with school and had no idea that our lives were about to change. I want to be very clear that our lives did not change in the same way that another family's did, but things were still very difficult for such a long time. We are just asking that God will allow us to move through this school year without tragedy and filled with hope. We are also praying for God's strength and peace as we come upon the one year anniversary of Danny's death. We are excited about what this year will bring and look forward to a successful year.

By the way at two weeks post op I had lost twenty pounds. I am hoping that I will be able to continue to keep losing. Also James said that I have not snored in at least a week. I am feeling better so far but time will tell if we really resolved the sleep apnea issue. Either way I really do believe that I am breathing easier.

I better get to bed. Actuall y I need to read and get James' clothes ready for work...then bed!

Puppy Oh Puppy & Cuttie (FFF)

Puppy


Penny

Kayla and Cutie





This is a picture of puppy that is clean and new and a picture of puppy that has been well loved





This was Noah first favorite stuffed animal
For some reason he thought that he needed a trip through the dish washer

My sister bought Noah this puppy at Kohl's when she came to visit one time. Noah loves puppies and she thought he might like this one. It turned out that he fell madly in love with his "puppy". He loves this puppy so much that we soon realized that we needed a spare. Unfortunately they no longer carried them at Kohl's. Eventually I found a new one with tags at a resale shop. It turned out that a very short time later we needed him. The morning that we woke up to take the kids to my sisters for 17 days, Noah had thrown up all over puppy and there was no way that we could send it with him. While Noah was taking a bath I put puppy in the wash and gave him the new puppy. To our surprise it worked. We were able to take Noah to my sisters and then come home to finish cleaning the old puppy. It took three rounds through the wash to get puppy clean. We were leaving the next day for Thailand and so the new puppy saved our neck.

Noah loves his puppy so much that we would joke that he and puppy needed to get a room. He would kiss his puppy passionately and for a long time. He would roll around on the floor hugging it saying "oh puppy oh puppy"!

He has now made a new friend-Penny. It is a black lab from build a bear. Long story short my sister has a black cocker spaniel named penny that he is head over heals in love with. He now calls all black dogs penny. One day in build a bear he saw the little black lab that is the miniature to the big lab. His Aunt Ber got it for him and he carries it everywhere. When he went to see my sister during my surgery she took them to Build a Bear and he made his first build a bear. He came home with a big black lab named penny. My sister wanted him to get an alligator and even told him that she would by him tow but he would not budge. He only wanted penny.

Since I did not have a digital camera with Kayla it is harder to post pictures of her. I did find one of her with her first Build a Bear that my sister got for her. She is getting her ears pierced and brought along cutie for comfort.

A little disapointed but hopeful

Today I had my second followup appointment with the ENT. I was expecting that he would say things looked great (well except my throat-it still looks like a bomb went off in there) and that I could resume normal activity. To me normal activity would include driving. Instead I am still on restriction till Monday. That would not sound too bad except we start school on Monday so I will be home bound anyway. We would have started some school this week but we were waiting on text books. I suspected that he might not release me to drive yet but I was hopeful. You really do not realize how much freedom you have until it is gone. At first I didn't care but the last few days I have been going stir crazy. I have tried to go out a few times with a friend but all ended badly and abruptly. I guess my body just wasn't as ready as my mental state. The last two days I have been weaning down on my (narcotic) meds during the day and trying to survive on over the counter. The pain has been worse because of this and I have been sleeping more. When I do sleep I don't even hear the phone ring. Kayla has been so helpful with everything.

The rest of the appointment was a little disappointing. He did remove the stitches in my nose which feels so much better. Unfortunately the place where he took out the bone spur has scar tissue buildup. There is also a flap of skin that is trying to grow back. He broke up some of the tissue and suctioned it out but I have to go back in two weeks and have it checked. He believes that he will have do a procedure in the office over the next month or so to open it back up. He also said that now that he can see in there that he may have to reduce my trubinates. He has reassured me that he can do these two procedures under local anesthesia in his office. I just saw more pain and more recovery. He said that my throat was healing as expected. I pointed out that one side was larger than the other and he said that it was where the tonsils were positioned. It looks and feels a little strange but then it is not done healing either. He said that I was still having so much pain because there was still a lot of scabbing. He felt like it would be better by the first of next week. This is also the time I have to be very careful because there are still scabs and some are actually quite large there is still a chance of bleeding. He did refill my "good" pain meds for night time use. I just can't make it with out them yet. The ear pain is worse than the throat pain. I will be so happy when the ear pain is gone. I also have begun to cough and sneeze. Both are bad...sneezing is worse. I went one day without allergy meds and we went to fill them tonight. This is not the time for an allergy flair up.

I really like my doctor. He is very kind and really cares about what I am going through. He has been very cautious and thorough. He did say that we have gained so much ground. So even though I was a little disappointed that we are not at the end of this we are hopeful that we are on the right track. I just want this surgery to make a difference in how I feel. We also did not realize how dangerous sleep apnea was until we started with this doctor. It is known as the silent killer and we want to do what we can to prevent unnecessary medical conditions.

One more very positive thing... total weight loss at almost two weeks post op is 17 pounds. I have to say I would not recommend this as a weight loss program to anyone but if you have to have this surgery then you deserve all the loss you get. Monday he said that I can start power walking. This just might be possible with two open airways.

Time For Some Good News

Kayla and Noah ready for promotion Sunday

Noah showing me his new and old toys

Noah was so happy to be home
Noah telling me all about his trip to Aunt April's house



The kids arrived home around 6pm Saturday. It was unusual to be waiting for them because we are the ones that take and pick up. This time their Tia AJ took to to meet my sister and to pick them up. Noah was very happy to be home. He had a great time at my sisters swimming, going to the library, making his Penny at Build A bear, playing with his cousins army men and giant bugs and so much more. Kayla started her first scrapbook. She did an amazing job and used her own money to buy all her supplies. It did not look like a twelve year old did the pages. She too went swimming, hung out with the cousins, went bowling and hung out with their youth group. When Noah came home he kept touching things and saying "this is my van, my truck, my jeep and so on. When he came inside he had a lot to show mom (hence the pictures above). I really missed the kids but it only took me about 30 minuets to realize that I would not have been able to handle his energy if he had stayed this past week. I was not sure how I was going to make it through the evening. I am very sensitive to noise and ciaos but since the surgery the sensitivity had been magnified. The tiniest sounds sends me over the edge. I believe that one reason may be that I can hear better and that he nerve is sensitive. The tonsils were so large on the right side that they had to actually dig them out of my neck. He told James they were some of the largest that he had seen. This could very well explain years of ear infections and hearing problems. I am hoping that the sensitivity gets better with the healing and that the surgery will actually fix some of the ear problems as well.

Saturday morning brought more pain. I started off trying to eat a jello and it just burned too bad. I took more pain meds and then decided to straighten up the house a little. I was really scared that the kids were coming home and that I still did not feel up to taking care of them. That sent me into an emotional hyper drive and I began to think of all the things that I needed to do before they came home. Went that in mind I took a shower and told James I needed to go to Walmart. Well let me just say he did not by into my plan. I laid it on thick but his response was make me a list and I'll go. That was not what I wanted to hear so I just cried and said "fine I'll just go take a nap"! Like that was going to show him a thing or two. It was what he wanted me to do in the first place. After I got over my melt down I apologized and we spent the rest of the afternoon curled up in the double recliner watching a movie. It was a great way to spend the day once I got over another day of cabin fever.

We had already decided that James would take the kids to church and I would stay home. Today was our big promotion Sunday and there was a lot planned for each class. Again I cried when the kids left because I was missing taking Noah to see his new class and Kayla was starting with the 7th graders. It is not typical for any of us to miss church. We know that some people like having a day off but for our family it is just part of who we are. This was my second week to not be able to go. We have had trouble getting Noah used to being dropped off but since we had VBS he loves Church. He talks about VBS all the time.

Everyone went to church as scheduled. James picked up Olivia and Hanna for church since Amber and Philip got the stomach flu that we had. We didn't want the girls to miss their big day either. I enjoyed my morning at home. I had a really hard time staying awake until 10 for meds. After I took them I went to bed and slept until James called at 12:30. Kayla stayed at Hanna's house after church and James and Noah came home for lunch. I attempted an applesauce for lunch. It took about an hour to eat it. I would take a bit drink lost of water and repeat. I had tried to eat something for breakfast and just couldn't get it down. After lunch I took a small nap and then did some laundry. Kayla came home around 5pm and then some friends from church brought us supper. At this point my stomach was hurting soooo bad. I was so hungry. The food they brought smelt so good. I really thought that I would not be able to eat but I was going to try. I had the most amazing hash brown casserole and green beans. I think that the green beans were from their garden. I actually ate two table spoons of the casserole and two small helpings of the green beans. By the end I was in a lot of pain but my stomach was so thankful. After dinner it was another round of meds and then Kayla cleaned up supper. I said I would help but she said she would take care of it all. God bless her! She is amazing. Around 7pm Kayla kept Noah and James and I went to Walmart. Yes he took me to Walmart. I needed some stuff for the kids and some more meds for my nose. (I was able to get the People mag with the Chapman family while I was there) We were not gone too long. I did pretty well but was tired by the time we got to the van. I also am noticing that my throat gets real dry really fast. The other oddity is that I was overwhelmed by smells there. As we walked past the shoe dept James asked me how I was doing and I told him that the smells were bothering me. He said I was smelling the rubber and asked if that was new. I actually was. I'm not sure about this new smell thing. After we left Walmart James took me for a milkshake. It is a waste to spend money on me because I usually only get about two bites in but tonight I had about 1/2 cup before I gave up. I put it in the freezer for tomorrow. The rest of the night has been pretty peaceful. I need fold some laundry and put the dishes in the dish washer but that will have to wait till tomorrow. Monday a friend from church is going to come get Noah and take him to play with her son. She was actually my nurse in the hospital last Sunday. She has been amazing and has really kept up with me at home.

Over all today was so much better. The pain is still there but my body seems to be healing. I am still in pain and yawning, swelling, and other things that involve the throat are extremely painful but the fatigue is getting better and so is the body aches. I spit a lot of clots this morning and that actually made things feel a little better. The pain is more isolated to actual movement in the throat instead of constant pain. I was able to take my med dosage down today and will try to lower it one more tomorrow. I still have to take it every 4 hours but just not as much each time. I was able to make the decision on when to do that and today felt like a good starting point. So far so good. I still feel the pain the worst 30 minuets before new meds. I could set the clock by the pain. The nights are the hardest time right now so it may be more difficult tonight but at least it's progress. My next appointment is Thursday. I am hoping that they will take the stitches out of my nose then. I also hope that by the end of the week I can wean of of the narcotics and just stick with over the counter. I have one more week of restrictions which I can already tell is going to get me in trouble. I had a hard time sitting still today and not up cleaning. It is amazing how much better you feel with just a small improvement.

We are still waiting for Kayla's curriculum to come in. I have all my teacher books but we are waiting on her consumables. I'm hoping that we can spend the week getting bed times established and working on routines. The house is still in great shape and I think that we are ready to start off a new school year.

I do have a prayer request. Tomorrow Olovia starts kindergarten. This will be a difficult milestone without daddy in the picture. Please pray for Amber as she has to face sending one to JR High and one to Kindergarten by herself tomorrow. These are milestones that make his absence a reality.

JUST PLAIN GRUMPY!

It is exactly one week post op. It' s hard to believe that I started this insane roller coaster a week ago. It seems so much longer some moments and like it just happened yesterday at others. I have had a hard time focusing to type or do much of anything. Tonight I am trying to keep my mind off things until pain meds arrive.

So one of the biggest things that come to mind is that I have really tried to "mentally" handle the pain. I knew that it would exist so I have tried to focus on the fact that I can make it through this one episode at a time. So how's that going?

Well...first it is more difficult to just handle pain when it changes every four hours and every day. No two days have been alike. There have been similarities but so many more differences than I thought there would be. It is also more emotionally draining than I expected it to be.

So last night was the worst so far. It was followed by a bad morning and kept a slow downward pace all day. Tonight I realized that people asked me if I'm okay a lot. I usually say yes because I'm not dying and I am making it. Well tonight James asked me if I was okay and I just said "no I am not okay! I'm not dying and I will make it to the other side of this, but I am NOT OKAY"! "I told him exactly how I felt. I have had no dt coke or solid foods for 8 days, the sight of liquid pain medications make my stomach dry heave and jello is a four letter word. My stitches are drying out, my skin itches from the dehydration or a med reaction-we are yet to figure out why. I have open third degree burns on my tongue and throat the size of half dollars. I have spent all day spiting out mouth fulls of soars and scabs. Not only does this hurt but it is very gross. I still have the stomach virus that welcomed me home from the hospital so if I do manage to get more than liquid med or jello down I spend the next three hours in the bathroom doing business. I have not slept in my bed or lying down in 8 days, and I'm not allowed to pick up any thing I drop (which happens a lot when you are on that many drugs). I fall asleep any time I sit down even when I am holding things. Today (Friday) I had my first opportunity to be ALONE in 8 days with total peace and quiet only to throw a blood clot and start bleeding. I was alone for twenty minuets before I had to have a babysitter again. For the first time in my life I can smell the great food that people are bring for our family and I can't eat it. I've tried. It either burns or I choke or I just can't get through the pain (throat and stomach). I love eating other peoples cooking so this just seems like torture. I believe that I know what a chicken feels like to have it's neck rung. My neck is so weak I can barley hold up my own head. This results in headaches and just plain misery. Then there is the Flu that is accompanied by fever, hot and cold flashes and stomach pains that are worse than I ahve had in a long time. The worst part at this point is that the doctor said that I should expect about 6 more days of feeling like this then the better part comes. So...No I am really not okay. I'm going to survive but at this point I really just want to sleep through the night in my own bed after a smallish meal that left me without stomach pain. I also look forward to time being measured in some thing other than pain meds. For those that know me I do not like medicine. For the most part it makes me feel far worse than better. In this case I know that I can not make it without them but it will be good to see them gone. I also look forward to being able to drive my van again. We are at least another week out for that. The kids come home tomorrow and I'm just not sure how I'm going to be ready to take care for them. Please keep praying for healing and endurance. It has been several days since things have been good and I just need a "good day" soon.

Please Keep Praying!

Things are pretty bad over here right now. I did not know that I could feel this bad. I have my appointment at 4:20 today. I am hoping that he will be able to help in some small way. The nurse thinks that I have the stomach flu on top of the surgeries. I just can't ask for your prayers enough right now. I know that the Lord will sustain me and that this will pass by but for now I just need some rest and for the stomach issues to subside. I had to stop taking some of the pain med because they were just making me too sick. In return the pain is way worse but I would rather have the pain at this point. There is no food that works and drinking sends me into a flood of tears. I have to stay hydrated but I'm not sure how to even manage that at this point.

I need to go. Thanks again for everyone's support. We love you all so very much.

First Day Home

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My first night home went better than I would have expected. The pain is usually under control until the first swallowing...then it is indescribably. I can usually get about three swallows then I am done and my body just aches everywhere. There is a deeper pain and a more intense pain but it is tolerable for the most part. Really the biggest part is that when I feel bad I just feel bad.

I have been able to sleep a few hours at a time...that is a huge praise. Also I ate my first full (although small) bowl of soup. It was so wonderful. Usually when you do not eat it is because your stomach hurts. In this case my stomach is screaming hey I'm hungry and my throat screams back I know but it's going to be awhile before I can get any thing down to you. So tonight I think that my stomach and my throat were in agreement. I think that it helped my mental state a lot. Good part of this is that they weighed me at the hospital Friday and by Monday morning I had already lost between 5-7 pounds. This is very exciting.

The kids are having fun at my sisters. She took the kids to build a bear today. Kayla made a monkey and Noah made his "penny". He loves my sister's black cocker spaniel named penny. So now every black puppy is named penny. My sister tried to get him to make an alligator but he said "no my penny".

So at some point when I am up to it I will share more about the actual surgery experience. It was probably the scariest thing I have ever been through. I had a bad reaction to the morphine and I really thought that I was dying. Obviously I am still here so things worked out okay but it scared me so bad. I had two other episodes with the morphine by that evening so we finally had them make a note in my chart not to use that medicine again.

I have had a lot of good helpers at the hospital and at home. Olivia is such a little helper. She has helped me all day and it is good to have her here. I miss my kids but it is better having them at my sisters because I know they are having a great time. I think that I am not making sense so I'm going to go for now. Several people have offered to help and we will probably need it at some time. We have tried to let people know that we need people fo the long haul over the next couple of weeks. It will be much more difficult when the kids get home and I am trying to take care of them and meals and other responsibilities. So please bear with us and we will try to let people know what we need as soon as we know. There are so many people that need more help than us but we know that it is necessary for us to have some extra help for a short peiord of time.