Sunday, May 11, 2008

Everything to Me.

Everything To Me
by Mark Shultz

I must have felt your tears
When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms
I’m gonna run
And when you look in my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become


Mother's Day means something different for every person. For most it is a time to celebrate the woman who is hard at work caring for her family. But for some, Mother's day is a painful reminder that they are unable to become a mother. Others are celebrating the first time with out a loved one. This day can also challenge those who have relationships that are estranged.

This year I want to recognize a woman who unselfishly chose life for her son and then gave him everything by gifting him for adoption. She must have known that she was making a sacrifice yet she still chose to give him a better life. She must have known that she would be giving a part of herself to some one that she might never know. I love my children with all that I am but I wonder if my love even compares to her's. I can not imagine the pain and loss that she must feel on birthdays, mothers day, or any other day that he comes to mind. I believe that a part of him will forever remain in her heart and that she must ache knowing that she was not able to be his forever mommy. My love for this woman is indescribable. She has given everything to him and everything to me.

As a mother I have been blessed to experience the miracle of adoption as well as having a biological child. Each experience has been a remarkable journey. Journeys that led me to a greater understanding of God's love and purpose for my life. These times taught me how to trust and how to wait upon the Lord and they taught me the true meaning of Faith. My journey to become a mother of two beautiful children is what led me to a faith in Christ that has changed my life. I have experienced God in a way that I would have possibly missed had I not gone through the struggles of infertility.

Having a biological daughter is a blessing and now more than ever we cherish the gift of her life. I thank God for allowing me to carry her in my womb and give birth to her. I thank God for allowing me to be there for every first in her life. I treasure the fact that she has our genetic tendencies. Her daddy's eyes and smile, my passion and and stubbornness. She is a miracle and was given to us through the Grace of God. She is beautiful and wonderful in every way. I have always said that she was my biggest challenge and greatest joy all wrapped up in a beautiful package.

Noah is a testament of God's goodness. He is my heart's desire. He was the Lords desire for our family. He was the child that God had planned for our family since the beginning of time. His placement in our family could only be orchestrated by the one who knew him in his mother's womb. God knew that his mother would chose life. He knew that she would give him birth and then give him a life of opportunities. How could I have ever known that my son would not grow in my womb but in my my heart thousands of miles away. When I stood on the 11th floor of that hotel room in Guatemala City and looked out over a beautiful country I knew that it was God himself that had brought me to this place. God chose me to be his mother. He chose me to rock him to sleep and kiss him good night. He chose me to change his diapers and keep is tummy full. He choose me to kiss his boo boos, and comfort him when he is scared. He chose me to teach me his ABC's. He chose me to be his forever mommy. I was not chosen to give him birth but I was chosen to give him the gift of a family.

Mother's Day will never mean the same to me. I will always fell as though I am partly a mom because of someone else's unconditional love and sacrifice. Thank you God for knowing what was best for our family. Thank you for all the times you said "No" and thank you for the times that you said "Yes". Please hug all the women that want to be a mother and comfort them while they are waiting for you to say yes. Hug the woman that are mothers but are not able to hold their children. Hug those that are missing their loved ones today.

Happy Mother's Day


Reba said...

What a beautiful post written from the heart. Thank you for sharing. I hope you had a very special Mother's Day. We enjoyed seeing you and spending some time with your family yesterday...hope we can do that some more this summer!